NBAmerica
I love basketball. I’m scared of the NBA.
During David Stern’s tenure as Commissioner, the NBA has made an overt play to take the place baseball once held in America’s culture. No other league has worked so hard on its political personhood, and the NBA is methodically plotting an image that Americans can see and adopt as an image of their national values.
The NBA represents itself as a political force. It prolifically advertises its NBA Cares program, with commercial spots showing NBA stars distributing gifts at Christmas, visiting classrooms, working hard for literacy, and getting their hands dirty in community building. Wherever a politician is, an NBA player should be there too: at a ribbon-cutting ceremony for a new health clinic, at a disaster relief charity fundraiser, at the inauguration of a handicapped athletic league . . . .
No other league has been so successful in allying itself with disparate, unrelated sectors of mass entertainment. For at least the past three years, the NBA playoffs have ruthlessly Mengeled themselves into the genetic code of summer blockbuster atrocities. This year, Superman (I suppose the jury’s out on this one); last year, Fantastic Four (remember that one, folks!); the year before that, the Incredible Hulk (Aarrrgghhh!). I don’t recall if a similar alliance against the boundaries of form and taste was waged prior to that.
But the Blob of the NBA image strives to be yet more amorphous. To shed vestigial integrity. Only by losing definition can it fuse itself with more advertising opportunities. This year, the anthem of the NBA playoffs was a song by Tom Petty (well, what else says basketball like Tom Petty?) Rather than use production (I’m talking tv production, image production) to concentrate its identity and power by collaborating with rap or hard rock music, thereby giving basketball fans what they actually like, the NBA seeks out more cross-overs than a schizophrenic transvestite. The thinking is that the NBA appeals to some, oh, zero Tom Petty Fans, so by corralling Mr. Petty, they will inevitably snag the less astute of his usually unwitting audience, adding to the heaping, asymmetric storehouse of NBA consumers.
Stern will abide no boundaries. No commissioner has exerted himself so much to make his sport international. The NBA insists on appealing to EVERYONE, from Canada to China. Now, a large fraction of pre-season games occur internationally, and the NBA spends babel-like towers of money on international advertising and television contract negotiations. And again, the All-American businessman Stern has succeeded.
There seems to be no stopping Him, or It. There is a sickening stink of putrefaction that follows the greedy. A mouth half full, but unable to chew because it is always open to receive more – and then a ravenous body that is all belly, like a gulper eel.
The end result is that the NBA has a little something for everybody, and satisfies nobody. The losers are the die-hard basketball fans. They are the only who are refused even a crumb of production. Why would the NBA give anything to those who already like basketball? That’s the one segment of its viewer base it can spare its siren song – they’re gonna tune in anyway.
That’s what makes me angry (oohh, I’m so angry!). I love basketball. But instead of seeing a basketball game, I see a circus, a jumble of blues, rock and dance music, stunts, movie tie-ins, kids in wheelchairs, sequined cheerleaders, and commentators trolled from the very center of American taste. It’s all a scattering, diluting of the supposed essence of the NBA: basketball.
But this isn’t what is truly pernicious. The NBA has gone further and deeper. In its paranoid protection of its All-American For Everyone image, it has imposed more rules than a blind kindergarten teacher. Competitive physical behavior is outlawed, and the athletes are humiliated into being NICE. A good hard foul will result in suspension and a fine (Stackhouse’s foul on Shaq in Game 4 of the NBA finals is just one prominent example). Banging under the boards is more difficult to pull-off than heterosexual sex in prison: a player virtually has to let the ball fall the floor and wait for the ref to determine what player should be given the courtesy of the rebound. Real defense is a distant memory, something passed on in the African-American oral tradition. NBA players must be as obedient, as unobjectionable, and as bland on the court as they are in their NBA: Read to Achieve commercials. This is seriously dangerous -- the NBA is striking at identity, and inasmuch as athletes are role models and kinda gods (and they kinda are), it squeezes that glowing myth-blood-juice out of Americans’ psyche-brain-souls. Tenderizing kids for the hopper. OBEY.
The NBA is the most mediated of the four major sports. The referees play a larger role than the players, and determine, I am now convinced, the majority of close games. Can the post player back in? Can a defense go for blocks? Can an offensive player charge to the hoop where there will be contact? An NBA ref can determine whether a talented aggressive (non jump-shooting) player will score 15 or 35 points, without violating the rulebook.
As a result of the symphony of whistles, players have stopped trying to compete with one another each other directly (with immediacy), which is the essence of sport. Rather, they act through the refs. It is more common to see a defender rush to a “spot” and stop moving his feet, thereby establishing position and drawing a charge, than it is to see a defender try to actually stop the attacker. Likewise, offensive players work as hard to draw fouls as they do to score. The game is no longer a game of bodies, but of rules, and the players employ the rules and refs as a technology that mediates all their interaction. It resembles a bureaucracy more than a sport. Submissions, suits, appeals, pleas, petitions. . . all at the mercy of the Kafkaesque refs, the powers that be. The old white men.
I won’t even mention other well-publicized moves by the league to curb their players’ individuality, like the dress code and the forthcoming ban on tights. All players must comply: they are cogs in the machine, and are expendable. Just like you. And remember, the NBA represents America, or all that’s good in America. Remember that commercial of Dikembe Mutombo distributing clothes and medicine in Zaire you just saw?
No, there’s no doubt. Stern has won. NBA basketball is America’s Game.
During David Stern’s tenure as Commissioner, the NBA has made an overt play to take the place baseball once held in America’s culture. No other league has worked so hard on its political personhood, and the NBA is methodically plotting an image that Americans can see and adopt as an image of their national values.
The NBA represents itself as a political force. It prolifically advertises its NBA Cares program, with commercial spots showing NBA stars distributing gifts at Christmas, visiting classrooms, working hard for literacy, and getting their hands dirty in community building. Wherever a politician is, an NBA player should be there too: at a ribbon-cutting ceremony for a new health clinic, at a disaster relief charity fundraiser, at the inauguration of a handicapped athletic league . . . .
No other league has been so successful in allying itself with disparate, unrelated sectors of mass entertainment. For at least the past three years, the NBA playoffs have ruthlessly Mengeled themselves into the genetic code of summer blockbuster atrocities. This year, Superman (I suppose the jury’s out on this one); last year, Fantastic Four (remember that one, folks!); the year before that, the Incredible Hulk (Aarrrgghhh!). I don’t recall if a similar alliance against the boundaries of form and taste was waged prior to that.
But the Blob of the NBA image strives to be yet more amorphous. To shed vestigial integrity. Only by losing definition can it fuse itself with more advertising opportunities. This year, the anthem of the NBA playoffs was a song by Tom Petty (well, what else says basketball like Tom Petty?) Rather than use production (I’m talking tv production, image production) to concentrate its identity and power by collaborating with rap or hard rock music, thereby giving basketball fans what they actually like, the NBA seeks out more cross-overs than a schizophrenic transvestite. The thinking is that the NBA appeals to some, oh, zero Tom Petty Fans, so by corralling Mr. Petty, they will inevitably snag the less astute of his usually unwitting audience, adding to the heaping, asymmetric storehouse of NBA consumers.
Stern will abide no boundaries. No commissioner has exerted himself so much to make his sport international. The NBA insists on appealing to EVERYONE, from Canada to China. Now, a large fraction of pre-season games occur internationally, and the NBA spends babel-like towers of money on international advertising and television contract negotiations. And again, the All-American businessman Stern has succeeded.
There seems to be no stopping Him, or It. There is a sickening stink of putrefaction that follows the greedy. A mouth half full, but unable to chew because it is always open to receive more – and then a ravenous body that is all belly, like a gulper eel.
The end result is that the NBA has a little something for everybody, and satisfies nobody. The losers are the die-hard basketball fans. They are the only who are refused even a crumb of production. Why would the NBA give anything to those who already like basketball? That’s the one segment of its viewer base it can spare its siren song – they’re gonna tune in anyway.
That’s what makes me angry (oohh, I’m so angry!). I love basketball. But instead of seeing a basketball game, I see a circus, a jumble of blues, rock and dance music, stunts, movie tie-ins, kids in wheelchairs, sequined cheerleaders, and commentators trolled from the very center of American taste. It’s all a scattering, diluting of the supposed essence of the NBA: basketball.
But this isn’t what is truly pernicious. The NBA has gone further and deeper. In its paranoid protection of its All-American For Everyone image, it has imposed more rules than a blind kindergarten teacher. Competitive physical behavior is outlawed, and the athletes are humiliated into being NICE. A good hard foul will result in suspension and a fine (Stackhouse’s foul on Shaq in Game 4 of the NBA finals is just one prominent example). Banging under the boards is more difficult to pull-off than heterosexual sex in prison: a player virtually has to let the ball fall the floor and wait for the ref to determine what player should be given the courtesy of the rebound. Real defense is a distant memory, something passed on in the African-American oral tradition. NBA players must be as obedient, as unobjectionable, and as bland on the court as they are in their NBA: Read to Achieve commercials. This is seriously dangerous -- the NBA is striking at identity, and inasmuch as athletes are role models and kinda gods (and they kinda are), it squeezes that glowing myth-blood-juice out of Americans’ psyche-brain-souls. Tenderizing kids for the hopper. OBEY.
The NBA is the most mediated of the four major sports. The referees play a larger role than the players, and determine, I am now convinced, the majority of close games. Can the post player back in? Can a defense go for blocks? Can an offensive player charge to the hoop where there will be contact? An NBA ref can determine whether a talented aggressive (non jump-shooting) player will score 15 or 35 points, without violating the rulebook.
As a result of the symphony of whistles, players have stopped trying to compete with one another each other directly (with immediacy), which is the essence of sport. Rather, they act through the refs. It is more common to see a defender rush to a “spot” and stop moving his feet, thereby establishing position and drawing a charge, than it is to see a defender try to actually stop the attacker. Likewise, offensive players work as hard to draw fouls as they do to score. The game is no longer a game of bodies, but of rules, and the players employ the rules and refs as a technology that mediates all their interaction. It resembles a bureaucracy more than a sport. Submissions, suits, appeals, pleas, petitions. . . all at the mercy of the Kafkaesque refs, the powers that be. The old white men.
I won’t even mention other well-publicized moves by the league to curb their players’ individuality, like the dress code and the forthcoming ban on tights. All players must comply: they are cogs in the machine, and are expendable. Just like you. And remember, the NBA represents America, or all that’s good in America. Remember that commercial of Dikembe Mutombo distributing clothes and medicine in Zaire you just saw?
No, there’s no doubt. Stern has won. NBA basketball is America’s Game.

